SilentScreaming OR Confidently Content….where are you?

Sometimes in the break through Silent Screaming isn’t all bad anymore, but its the starting point for becoming confidently content to serve in life.

In life there are two sounds, madness or peace you can say. Silent screaming yelling help, but not leaving the lips indeed or the other that’s just Him confidently content in trust.The joy takes over in any detail, but when I get off the path My mind can get overwhelmed depression, isolation, addiction, suicidal thoughts, and pride and last but not least judgmental make the list of silently screaming, but I’ll have a mask that’ll lie tell you I am just fine trying to do it my way until surrender happens again.And I fall on my knees with pure desperation, no secrets at all, Jesus this is me and I can’t do this without your help, take my list, help me love like you, fill me up with joy, patience, self control, gentleness, peace, kindness, faithfulness, goodness and love. Take away this silent screaming and let me walk confidently content in all I do and let it all be for you and not me. Help me never lose track of where you go I follow, remind me God I always need YOU! Always remind my heart and mind to be pure and trust YOU.

I read the title, and in my life, I am working through both of those. In life these past weeks, it feels like I get to experience a deeper level to write and bring these topics to life. I had a couple of days where my mind and everything inside me was screaming, and I couldn't open my mouth to say the words, "I need help" to anyone, not even myself. I was suffering silently, but my mind was so loud and full of pain I just wanted to push everyone and everything aside and isolate myself, but something in me knew better. My only thought on this was, I knew my pride would kill me because I had witnessed the experience before. And this time, I had to allow myself to break and face the pain and express to someone who loves me more than I could at that moment and let the words, "I am battling suicidal thoughts and depression, please help me" to leave my lips. I have learned more in detail depression and suicidal thoughts or even isolation and dark thoughts are silent screams trying to overwhelm the light inside me and cover me in darkness, but here is the truth. I am a child of God, and I am a sinner who has hit her knees and asked Jesus to come into her heart to change her because I believe He loved me enough to die on the cross for me. I might have days where I feel like life is silently screaming, and there is no hope, but I only know that is a lie from the enemy. I have to admit it with my lips and get out of my head and call on Jesus to send the darkness away and cover me in His peace, and that only is when I become Confidently Content. I am learning more about walking with my Jesus and allowing Him to transform me into becoming confidently content. I believe joy from the Lord can make you content in any situation. I am reminded of the apostle Paul when I doubt this thought, who was content in any situation, even a jail cell. I strive to want to become like the people God used in the Bible, life has not changed its emotions, but I am praying to be more like Paul and learn how to always be content because I am overwhelmed with the Joy of the Lord and He is my strength and life can be beautiful even when it feels like a disaster.

I have learned in life when I try to live my will I end up silently screaming and then it takes awhile to get honest and repent. I cannot be confidently content if I am hiding something from God because He sees all, and really God confidence comes from Him when He fills me with His Holy Spirit to fulfill His will for my life.

For most of my life, I have had more experience silently screaming and understanding people who can relate. I am praying to stay close to Jesus and let Him guide me to being confidently content as He teaches me more daily to be filled with the fruits of the spirit. I cannot be confidently content without Jesus, and that is a fact, but I can be silently screaming lost in my pride, but once I call on Jesus the screaming stops and I am free.

I pray this made sense to you, and I pray that when you feel lost in your silent screaming, please know there is hope, and you are not alone. I hold onto scriptures, and prayers, and always keep my eyes open for God to speak to me to stay close to Him, so my walk continues to become confidently content more than not. I am human, and I am not perfect, but today I am more aware of silent screaming or confidently content, are you? Only you can answer, but only God knows the honest answer. Will you get honest with your heart and ask where are you right now?