The Misfit in the Mirror
Take a look in the mirror, who do you see? Do you ever really glance at your eyes and let your eyes speak to your soul, or is that only me? This title kept repeating over and over and it made me really wonder, why am I a misfit in the mirror? I will admit I have had days where I tried so hard to like my appearance from the inside to match the feelings I was dealing with on the inside. If I was feeling depressed or hurt than I would match my outward appearance with how my heart felt, you could tell if I was dead or alive just by looking at me. But I tried to hide myself in my own denial or my cage of pain that trapped any part of healing because of fear. I let my make up and my hair color deceive me until I couldn’t anymore. My eyes were so dark it scared me deep down but I would never admit that to anyone until I wasn’t scared of my actions on that feeling, if you have been there, trust me I understand. The misfit in the mirror was me, the world didn’t want me but I tried everything in my power to change their minds and was willing to sell my soul for their approval, until one day I heard a sweet voice whisper in my ear, my daughter you are mine.
I heard those words and it was like my life made sense. Call me crazy, but for once in my life I felt understood, like someone knew every detail and still wanted me. The reflection staring back at me wasn’t as scary as I thought because I had the courage to change the woman I was. As you look at the picture for this blog entry I saw the eye shadows and my stomach turned for a second because it was a reminder of how I used to paint my eyes to deceive myself from the lies I would hide from. A mirror can reveal what you do not want to see sometimes even if you try to ignore it. The reflection I used to see would scream so loud from the mirror in my eyes staring back at me. But I would ignore the cries for help until I did not even recognize myself or the pain I was dealing with because the pain had hardened my heart and my feelings were non-existent due to the fact of being numb.
Miss Independent Recognize Reality Or Reflection are the words I think about today when I hear the word mirror. My mind breaks each letter down to remind me to never let myself go back to the danger zone of lies through deception in my reflection. Today, I have people in my life who hold me accountable for my actions and not only my actions, but my words. Today, when I look in the mirror I see a warrior who has fought a tough battle of life and sometimes still does, but I know I am not alone and I am worthy and I am loved. I wrote those two sayings on my mirror a couple months ago and it changed my perspective so much just reading those simple reminders. I have learned life is all about perspective and what I can do daily to change mine, stay positive in the light and shine or become negative and hide in the dark, you pick.
So, I will finish it with this, today when you look in the mirror, look beyond your reflection. Let your eyes speak to you and don’t hide who you could become because of fear. The only person holding you back from real love and experiencing the beauty of life is yourself. I hated hearing those words because I couldn’t blame anyone except myself for waiting as long as I did to recover and start to heal because I was scared of myself. Please start today and turn the page to a healing chapter of your life. Don’t be scared of the mirror, embrace it!
